The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
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