So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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