i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Randomize
