What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
where are you?
Hypothermia
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
