the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Still dying that you shit outside
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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