i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
