So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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