Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
