I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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