just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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