She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
