I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
