giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
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