last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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