This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
