I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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