I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
