so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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