Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
