I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
