we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
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