I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
