dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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