If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
