Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize