My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
