Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
My cat gives me a boner
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
