how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
