miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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