My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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