if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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