Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
