youre lurking in front of me
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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