i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
