Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
If I die, sorry about rent.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
