The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Drunk is not a location!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
