bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Randomize