Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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