I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
