i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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