We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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