Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
