Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
