sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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