So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
