i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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