just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
