what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
