So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I am mentally ready for anal.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
