I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
