actually, I'm a sock model
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
