I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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