dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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