I wanna passion pit in your ass
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
