Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
foreskin is a definite game changer
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Randomize
