what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
