i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
