I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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