Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
