ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
