So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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