my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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