I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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