But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
