Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
two words...techno handjob
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
My penis needs a shock collar
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
