the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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