you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
