I wannas sexs uuuuu
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
my liver is dry heaving
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
