Sorry, I don't speak sober.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
