dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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