Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
